DericDumDum

all of a sudden , i felt so lost.
a bad headache.
thinking back wanting all those past of mine.
how i always smiled , laugh.
i want those good moods of mine back.

looking back how i am so happy.

with no bad moods.

i want those smiles , laughter and most of all , my happiness back.

can i reverse time and stop the time at my past ?
looking at now , i'm always feeling so lost and down.

no happiness for almost 2 months.

angry so easily at times.

having the urge to end the mood i'm always having now.

once and for all.
but i don't think it would be so easy.

i would like to be the mr nice guy again.

always smiling around , joking around and being kind to others.
i want to be happy again.

no harm saying and asking all this.

just want to ask.

karrie , did you notice i've not being so good to you again?

like eric scold or want to beat you i don't even stop him.

i've change alot. though eric scold or wanted to beat you. he still cares for you.

wenkai , i want to be like last time always going out with you again.

laughing around like nobody business.

nelson , i don't want say out things to you because i'm not trusting anyone nowadays.

i'm keep all to myself just to let the matter rest like i use to last time.

yanyan , i know you always trying to cheer me up. thanks. i'm glad there's someone who is willing to cheer me up. but due to my mood , i'm sorry i still can't smile yet.

eric , i know you best , you always try to patch things up peacefully. just try to be good to ah ger more often. violence cannot solve all things. after all , she's still your sister. yes , i know sometimes i also have that thinking but i didn't do it after all.

BB , i know you always asking me to relax but i hope i can. you too also must. i'm trying hard to open up. you also must try. ok ?

allan , you seldom with us but however i still got contact you. being good to you because you are still a good buddy to me. trust worthy buddy. don't let small things get over you. your mood are better than mine so is your thinking. you can don't care one.

ah boy , yes. you said you might be worst than me but now you are still happy. having good moods. i don't. i everyday just have a low mood. now , mine is harder to solve than yours.

to all ,
happiness is everything.
violence , quarrel and sadness is nothing.
i know but i'm trying hard.
i want to change back to my old self.
once again , trust and hatred has come to me.
who to trust and who to hate.
i know you all don't want me to be like this.
but this is how i will be.
i hope you can make me trust you once again.

let me be who i am for now.
slowly i see if i can change.

any problems just go ahead and find me.

anything just say infront of me.
just don't make me angry will do.

thats all i can say for now.

i will get angry easily.
remember. thats the Deric now.